Before you judge me, hear me out first.
So, today, I turn 42 years, the year of perfect balance between two odds. I know people usually talk about new strategic directions and goals when they turn 40, but for me, I didn’t feel that way. It felt more like a normal birthday without the need for any deep introspection or a year to drop quotable quotes. I just enjoyed the day with family, friends and foes. I, however, feel so now.
So at 42, I think I qualify to talk about certain aspects of life, based on the experiences I have gathered. Some of them are good. Some bad. C’est la vie comme ça.
If there is one thing I have learnt so far, it’s that life is not hard. It’s not rocket science or Rachmaninoff Concerto 2 in C minor. It’s not hard except you choose the mindset of those who remained in Omelas. You see, Le Guin’s attempt to paint a picture of of Utopia fueled by the suffering of another human is a perfect metaphor for how the last 42 years has been. I have met those who chose to remain in Omelas. I have met those who left.
I have met, and had dealings with those that chose to remain. Chose to remain with the full knowledge of what fuels their pleasure. Yet, when I talk to them, all I see is kindness and a million stories in their eyes. The natural question to ask would be why? I have not really followed that natural order of questioning. I only do so if I care. So in the last 42 years, I trained myself never to ask “why” on people’s decisions, because I am not in their shoes. Chances are that I’ll place whatever answer they give to me on my own moral pedestal, and then act on it. Not really a good trait considering people always have a reason that’s valid to them, for why they make certain decisions, and in this context, chose to remain in Omelas.
Let me use a work environment as Omelas for example. A supervisor has to make a decision to submit a name to HR for consideration for promotion. He knows that choosing Mrs X over Mr Y will be a glaring injustice, which may lead to Y falling into depression or affect his productivity. The supervisor knows this. Mrs X knows this. Everyone in the department knows this. The joy of promotion Mrs X will experience will be built on the pain and agony of Mr Y. This is also a known fact to her. The question is, is she wrong for accepting the promotion? Or is the boss to blame for creating that smoky scenario in the first place. ?
A former British MP once talked about some influential bankers family, granting the land of a first people, on behalf of a second people, to a third people. The third people comfortably live in Omelas. If they did not know as kids, they get to know as adults. Some chose to remain, even after knowing the fact. Some left.
The examples above are fiction.
Or maybe not.
For the ones that left Omelas, “kundus” to them. We are sorry for breathing the same air as you lots. Those who can’t stand the Utopia with the knowledge that all the good that comes to them is tied to the continuous suffering of an innocent. We all wish we’d leave Omelas for good and never return. The prayer however should be that life does not put us in situations that will make us consider such thoughts.
So I see the last 42 years as my years of experiments with life. The data gathered from the experiments will inform the next 42. I have learnt that things are not always black and white (yes I know it took me a longer time), there is always a grey area. And that compromise and the need to live a balanced life (not far white or far black). Qur’an Chapter 4 verse 171 comes to mind here.
I have also learnt that I am an ace of spades planetary ruling card in the karma cards. The ace of spades is the card of secrets hidden under the veil of illusion. The power of the ace of spades to be able to unveil things that are hidden is incredible. This is to say that my strength, and weaknesses have afforded me some kind of special powers to unearth what was not buried by me. It’s why I always recommend dumbing down certain aspects of one’s personality, to help put paper over certain cracks.
From now on, no more blue days. And even if blue days show up, I’ll color them red. Or purple. It’s complete detachment from silent aches. It’s to being bright faced and an embodiment of a future summer memory. Did I also mention that today also marks my 10th year wedding anniversary with the Mrs? Celebration plenty.
So I conclude. I am not returning to Omelas. And I am burning all bridges that will take me back to anything or anyone that smell like it.